An Ode to O.B. Yu

When you're gay do you believe na there's a possibility for you to change? For good?

I don't.

I've always lived up to the saying that bygons will, and forever will be, bygons. Same goes for this person I know who's trying so hard to change himself without even realizing na he's already forgetting to respect himself, a.k.a. his individuality.

I do not know why it bothers me pero siguro sometimes my pakialamerong ugali really bites me, pushing me to make a difference, move people, make them realize na they are misled.

And this is why I am doing this to a very dear friend who only considers me as an acquaintance. For your own good.

Recap...Flashback.

Once you've told me na you are still in love with your ex despite all the kabastusan he has done to you. I even could sense na ginagamit ka lang niya. Eversince then I knew na you are a true person, someone who cares, someone who has a BIG, *ahem*, heart for people and I respect you for that. I couldn't be more happy to having met a person like you. After all the stories you've told me I am sure na you are really special.

Days after the drama, you told me na you want to change.

For good.

Huh?

For an outgoing type of guy I am it was seemingly impossible to be flabbergasted by the news. Pero I was.

Okay so what if kung Chinese ka and the Chinese gay community is a big no-no for the lahi? Haven't you actually considered na you are made this way for a reason? Haven't you actually thought na maybe, just maybe, being gay is the perfect solution to the ever-dramatical anthology of your so-called life? Why can't you just embrace it?

Rustom did. And look at him now. Alive and all-good.

So why do you think I care this much?

Kasi I know deep inside na you are a good person and I want you to live not in the shadows and in the epitome of hell on earth just because of the sexuality issue but rather move you, even provoke you to learn to respect and love yourself. Be true and everything else will fall into its right place.

You are good and special. Almost perfect. Which might be the reason why God made you gay kasi if you're straight then you'd have it all. The looks, the brain, and the ladies.

Asan pa ang challenge?

I love you friend and I want you to stop pretending and drop the curtains. In the end if it does not lead to a happy ending, I'll still be here to back you up.

Have a great life.

Rain on Me.

This morning my mom was teary-eyed right in front of me. Konting drama, konting kwento.

How does a child get to bear this kind of memento knowing that this is actually your mommy grasping a big dilemma that actually involves the entire family? Sometimes I wish that I could go back to that time when I was really, really young. Ho yeah, I could have anything and everything. I was a major spoiled brat. But then again, that would only be possible by next lifetime.

I really want to run away from it all. I am really having hard time with the responsibility thingee. You see, this is the main reason why building my own family got erased from my 'To-do List.' Life sucks. When it bites you in the A, it will even crack your little Elvis up to death.

Yes, today my swerte has ran out. Usually, when I pray for something, or wish really, really hard, I'd get it. It's a luck thing that I have. Pero today, after the iyakin incident, praying solemnly and pleadingly to God didn't quite just did it. Post-graduation dilemma has been such an A. God is really testing my patience and stability this time, big time.

And I do admit, He won.

All this time all I want to do is cry and cry, pero no. I keep telling myself na if I give up, who will continue the fight? have I told you peeps na I've always believed na I am Superman? I've always have faith in myself na despite all the challenges and stuffs, I still will reigne supreme. I've always thought na I could fly.

God help me. I need your miracle. Big time.

Love-Sick

When was the last time I ever blogged anything about love?...

Hmm...ho yeah, the bestfriend days. Months ago. I wonder why.

Before, I use to believe na I am better off being a single. Now I am afraid na there might be something wrong with me. (I hope not) Am I not a pleasing person?

I miss those days na you are inspired and moved by somebody. Damn.

And now, work's biting my ass. I really do think the urban legend is true. If you are successful in your career, you must be a failure in love. And vice-versa.

Damn.

Zzzz's to the Bees

I was totally beat yesterday. The entire day I was working my butt off trying to accomplish everything and anything that has to be used for the F.A.M.E. show. Damn.

Could you define mabagal? I can. Elaborate yet still clear.

I have ten D.B.P.'s (contractors of CITEM) and I think only around 5 of them are very useful. And when I say very I meant tipong walang upuan basta't may kelangan pang gawin. That very.

Yeaterday was the first time I did something that only I and Snooky knows (Secret yun baka pagkalat mo na naman). What can I do? I was totally pressured,flabbergasted by the amount of work I have to deal with (and try to consider the number of people I have to help me out) pero still naubusan ako ng time. Shocks talaga.


Adding insult to my already injured aura, there was this one we call 'Tatang' who was sobrang tamad, pero what can I do? I am the type of person who doesn't want to scrutinize anybody. May it be positive or negative, I still don't see the point. (Besides the fact na binabayaran sila) What I hate about him is that mas feeling boss pa siya sa kin. Holler, who the hell do you think you are? Pasa ng utos sa iba, and divide the amount of work by 3 siya na yun. Ok wait maybe 4 or so.

I hate ingress.

Very.

After finishing my tasks, nag-half day, slept the entire day, and then ayun, woke up alive and medyo kicking. Pero still sleepy.

Ho brother.

Around 6pm, closing na ng exhibit. I got freaked out by the story na somebody stumbled and rolled her way around the artist entrance of the PICC Reception Hall. Sino ba namang di matatakot? I could have killed somebody with my carpets. Shit, think about it. I would be in the news and all. '

'Assistant Designer killed his career due to bad carpeting that was supposedly done by JOPER'S Contractors pero has no idea why the hell CITEM did everything na considering they've actually paid them to do the job.'

I am mad. Tumakbo na ko papuntang PICC considering I am sobrang pagod na and my feet couldn't be more sore than ever to fix loose ends. Damn. All I want is to do good things in life pero
I always end up messing things up. I don't know why, it's this kamalasan thingee na I can't get rid of.
Today, I was sobrang excited for the 'Buyer's Night' whereas we are going to party the night away dahil sa hirap at pagod na dinanas namin. Where am I now?

Office. Got stranded kasi I was suppose to help someone out with our special setting. What can I do? Work first before social life. That's me.

Last night around 12 or something I was already deciding on what to wear for this night. Sige, the yellow polo na I've murdered was the winner. I love it kasi I've handsewn everything. The beads, the belt, ribbons, everything. Hay...sometimes life really smacks your bi-atch up. I am totally depressed at the moment. Totally.

I was already picturing what the place would look like, the people whom I'd meet, the food, etc., etc., etc. Hay talaga...

I want to blame somebody pero what can I do?

I totally got murdered by life.

Totally.

I'll need to sleep this one out.

As always.

The DVD Marathon

Day-off due to Maundy Thursday and Good Friday observation, so here's a few list I've seen during the bum days.

1. Elizabethtown
Casts Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst.

One of the ultimate gay films since Orlando's in it? Not really. It's kinda funny and sweet. Yeah so this is the first time I've seen Orlando out of Mordoc and I must give him props for the acting. It's really good.

Orlando is a shoe designer who devoted 8 long years designing and developing on a new concept which costs the company big time. Around millions or billions. In the end, his design did not impress their client therefore causing his resignition. When he was about to commit suicide, his sister called him up telling him that his father just died and he has to attend his funeral ontheir behalf. So there he was on the airplane, alone on the economy class whose stewardess role was played by Kirsten who felt an instant connection with the guy.

And kapoof, there goes the love thing containing the cliche, '..and they lived happily everafter.'

The VERDICT: Your plain chick-flick.


2. In Her Shoes
Casts Cameron Diaz and a hella lot of Jimmy Choos.

Cameron and her sister are super close friends, bestfriends even since their mother has passed away. Their dad has married a new one who has that wicked stepmom role. Cameron plays the part of the prodigal daughter and finally decided to move to her grandma's place where she finally realized all the mistakes she has committed.

The VERDICT: Touching, pero the Jimmy Choos are better to look at than the story.


3. Blade Trinity
Casts Wesley Snipes.

Among the three, I must say this totally bore me. If not for that funny guy I would not have liked the movie in a way.

The movie stars Dracula, who was awakened by a group of vampires to get to Blade and so they could create a new breed of fangsters, which has been an ultimate goal since Blade1. They framed Blade making him look bad on public, making them think that he is a killer not realizing and believing for that matter that he is indeed a vampire hunter.

The VERDICT: Hmm..pwede na.

Peram ako Elektra. I think that's the only Marvel produced film that I haven't seen pa eh. Thanks in advance! :)

Pink Spray Paints and the Likes

Have you ever spray-painted for an entire day, using your whole body as panakip for 15 pieces of 1.83 x 2.0 m. of carpet?

I have.

And damn it's super no fun. The distance between me and the spray-paint while on the move:

SPRAY PAINT---TIM TAM.

Literally.

So if tomorrow patay na ako or if lucky enough, experiencing Dr. Sherman's fading memory, alam niyo na kung bakit.

So there. Tomorrow we'll put up poles and banners on the entire vicinity of Roxas, from Star City to World Trade Center, to PTTC, hanggang PICC.

Imagine how many hundreds.

And before I leave, sa mga taong makakaita ng gray carpets with pink floral paint on it, (this is a WARNING!!!)

WAG NA WAG NIYONG MATAPAK-TAPAKAN! DAMN ANG HIRAP GAWIN NIYAN! I MEAN IT!!!

Today is Wednesday

Ibang klase ang init! Damn!

Wala, lunchtime at work kaya nakaw ng cubicle ng may cubicle. Two days before ingress, four days before showtime. Go F.A.M.E.! April 19-22, 2006

Go see it. I'll be at the P.I.C.C. Area, for Fashion Accessories.

Hope its fun. And super lamig. PLUS super daming cuteness!

So there.

CITEM-CITEMan

Quotes for the night.

1. Pag may tiyaga may nilaga.
Its late, round quarter to 9pm, and we're still working here sa office. Damn yung project ni Snooks kay Sir Jaylord.

2. YES! I'm in na sa Rustan's! Starting May 1, 2006 I am officially a part of the team in Makati. Why May 1? CITEM's in between me and them. Go figure.

3. Tomorrow, assist ng OJT's sa ika-cut and paint naming carpets for the show. Not excited considering ang init sa labas. Damn.

4. Another day, another skill acquired. Natuto na kong mag-photocopy. Courtesy of CITEM and Ma'am Reine.

People that I'll surely miss...Love you guys!

HOROSCOPE: AQUARIUS (April 5, 2006)

The Bottom Line
It may take extra effort to move forward today, but you will go so much further!

In Detail
You turn any gathering, even an office meeting, into a kind of family reunion. You laugh, you smile, you crack jokes. Even your most straight-laced, aloof colleagues will respond. They laugh, they smile, they relax. And don't forget: It never hurts to bring cookies. Sure, it's not in your job description, but it will help loosen things up.

Reaction
So TRUE. First, the bottom line text. I did not go to office today kasi may second interview ako sa Crissa. I have a 9am appointment pero the person who'll interview me arrived around quarter to 12, and told me na we'll talk around 1 in the afternoon. Damn. I was literally napapatumba sa seat ko while waiting from 9-1. Good thing they have a canteen PLUS a 7-11 sa kanto ng Ligaya (street yan). Unfortunately, I'll still have a final interview plus exam. Damness na naman. Paul did all this in one day. Think I did not meet her standards. The thing is she was asking me personal questions pa. How could you gauge a person by that?

I was frustrated.

Second matter. Me turning everything into a kind of family reunion. Naisip ko, '..wow. Eto na ang pinakadetalyado't sapol na horoscope na nakuha ko sa buong buhay ko sa friendster.' Damn. One thing you should know about me is that I abide by Tessa Prieto's motto: "Everyday is a party." Ever wondered why she always puts her wig on anytime anywhere? Kasi she makes treats each day as if it's her last. Exactly the same wisdom I am living for the past years of my life. Everybody I meet I treat like a family, every experience I encounter I forever treasure. I am forgiving, pero I never forget.

This afternoon. Got home around 3 or 4. Damn sakit ng ulo dahil sa init at biyahe. Got a text message from Tita Bebe. She told me to check my e-mail. Damn I am having my interview na sa, are you ready.., RUSTAN'S this Friday! Damn nagamit ng ninang slash tita ko ang powers niya. Hopefully I could pass the tests and all. I was warned by her boss na being a visual merchandiser is not such a glamorous job. Some days we're designing clothes and home decor's, some days were karpintero's and painters. We'll have to be physically competent kasi we'll be working all week, madalas overnightan or super OTs.

Pero what the heck. Challenge to for my weak body. I am hoping na I could make it happen. Sana sana sana. Damn Crissa. Eto sa inyo: RUSTAN'S!

Haha! I am partly pleased by myself for being lucky kasi I have a lot of motivation to find a job. Good, bad or the ugly, basta trabaho that has my course on it, GO! Plus, I must thank my charms for setting that magickal moment pag may interview. Hehe...Thank God for modern technology.

Define Tim Tam

I am 'COMPLICATED'.

I'd usually do it the long way rather than cutting it short. Ganun ako eh...got used to the concept na letting your hands do your handy-dandy jobs for you without consulting your brain kasi i reserve it for sumthing far more important than doing me tasks.

I am 'THE KING OF PAIN'

I have a doctoral degree on inflicting pain onto others without them actually noticing. And there I am somewhere in the dark...appreciating my masterpiece.

I am a 'LOVER' not a 'FIGHTER'

I am a double suckeroo sa love. I tend to fall in love so easily that's why I end up hurting myself most of the time. So piece of advice: Don't make me fall na...EVER! Masama kong ma-in love. Believe me.

I am a 'BUM'

I'd spend my entire day eating junk, while watching tv...kulang na lang is my Lazy Boy Seat to complete my bumness. I am a 'MAGICIAN' I could amaze you with my abilities, akills, and strengths. Stuffs na hindi typically nagagawa in such few hours. I've learned a lot from school talaga.

I am 'BEEF'

I love being me and i love loving all the people that matters to me. It's hard to change me..kasi i am not that open to the concept...well at least changing who i really am...pero it's easy for me to change the rest like my fashion sense, my do, mga ganun.


I like / love...

'PEOPLE WHO CARES ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'

Yung hindi mang-iiwan sa ere kasi they already got what they needed from you. (Hmm....parang may angst...:)

'PEOPLE WHO ARE BUMMIES LIKE ME'

Pero people when I say BUM i didn't mean lazing around your entire life, na tipong walang trabaho pero already a graduate, mga ganun...MAJOR TURN-OFF! I am a student undergoing Thesis so I have every right to bum around paminsan-minsan.

'SIMPLENG TAO WHO ARE SINCERE AND TRUE'

Yung alam kung sino talaga sila and is not afraid to show it to the world. And I BIG TIME HATE LIARS!!! BEWARE!!!! Kahit mababaw na kasinungalingan could revive the World War with me. And wag na pa-sosi if you're not naman. Ako i admit I don't have much in life, pero I could offer a lot of love that could help us reach heaven.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Tim Tam!

1. Tim Tam is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives!
2. Tim Tam can be seen from space.
3. You can tell if Tim Tam has been hard-boiled by spinning him. If he stands up, he is hard-boiled.
4. Tim Tam can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.
5. Native Americans never actually ate Tim Tam; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness.
6. Tim Tam is actually a mammal, not a fish.
7. Tim Tam once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest!
8. Tim Tam can last longer without water than a camel can!
9. Tim Tam will often glow under UV light.
10. Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into Tim Tam.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia.pl" method="get" style="background-color:#5F5F42;color:#CFCF95;padding:4px;text-align:center">I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Sickness

Caught it from Cenz or caught it kasi I'm a pusher?

Either ways, I am having another turmoil commonly known as asthma. And it's not fun.

Yesterday I had an interview sa Crissa. Damn was I aggressive in answering Ma'am Tess's questions. 'Sorry po pero epekto lang to ng kundisyon ko.' I was told by Paul the night before na Crissa was definitely for me kasi I have an intense passion for fashion. I have that gift of transforming garbage into something beautiful. E di I got super excited. Actually, hindi ako nakatulog. So I've stayed up until 3am, read Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code' which I am sobrang enjoying by the way, and thanks Cenz for lending your hard-bound copy sa kin which makes it more fun to read. (Humanda na yung Angels & Demons kasi I really like Dan Brown na, plus I saw this great review on Da Vinci's Code contradicting the fiction *HOLLER!*)

Went there, wore the long-sleeved polo na I've just massacred. Kasabay ko were two girls from FEU and TUP, both Fine Arts Graduate, Major in Advertising. I really can't recall the FEU girl's name, pero the TUP, whom I've bonded with pag-uwi was Marvi, I think short for Marvelous? Her real name. Anyways, I didn't quite like the location. Not conjusive enough for me. Although fully airconditioned ang office, tamang lamig lang, pero ewan ko. The people around me, holler! Walang cute. Hehe..

After my interview I went to Mega, naghanap ng polo for Garduation Day tomorrow, unfortunately may nakabili na sa bibilin ko dapat na polo sa Memo. Ubos na ang stock. Damn. In 1week span nawala kagad. Double damn.

So, SM Norht's 2B Branch ang bagsak ko. I bought a polo na Large ang size, which was supposedly a Medium pero as usual wala na namang stock. Damn talaga. Asthma, plus shopping never goes well for me. Damn! I hate this.

Next week, on CITEM. Patayan na. Kaya I really need to get a hell lot better na before next week comes. Shows coming up in two weeks time.

Tomorrow morning, hours before graduation I am going to ABC Corporation. Apply ako as visual merchandiser for Penshoppe, O2, or Memo. As I've said. I'm a pusher. I push myself to my limits kahit alam kong di ko na kaya. Am I that bad?

Still waiting, for Rustan's. Tita Bebe gave them a copy of my resume she procured via e-mail. Sinabihan niya kong dati naghahanap sila ng visual merchandiser, pero may nakuha na ata. Pero still, wishing, and praying. I really want to be a part of Rustan's.

Hay sickness. Kung kelan pa crucial ang turn ng events tsaka ka magkakaganito. Damn.

Power Dressing

An hour before our Baccalaureate Mass was the time SM called me confirming my application as a Visual Merchandiser and Design officer of the team. When I first submitted my resume sa Job Fair (twice actually for SM, first sa UST Job Fair, then sa SM North EDSA) I was given an interview slip. Do you have any idea san office nila? Yup, somewhere sa Roxas mas malayo pa sa CITEM.

Night before, I asked my friend kung ok lang kaya pants ako then tucked-in polo. He suggested I power dress na lang daw.

Ok so, nagpakamasunurin na lang ako kasi mas experienced sa kin yun. From CITEM I took a cab, which took 80pesos from my wallet kasi maling building ang napuntahan ko so we have to go back. When I got off the cab damn! People are looking at me, literally, for minutes. I was surprised kasi everybody on casual while ako, parang magdedefend ng thesis. And! TAKE NOTE! Naka-tie pa. Which is the second reason why I wanted to take a cab (First was because di ko alam kung pano pumunta dun), para makapag-suot ng tie. Shox hiyang-hiya ako kasi holler! Long-sleeves plus tie, although black denim pants ako, di pa rin eh. Long sleeves and tie, yun yun eh. Good thing iba ang pinuntahan ko sa pinuntahan nila. Kasi kung pareho, eh baka mawalan sila ng trabaho sa porma ko. Wala lang, I do feel na napagkamalan akong bossing. Haha..it was funny and embarrassing all at the same time.

The whole time I was there, I thought, ‘…Tim, carry lang.’

The ending was somewhat disappointing anyways. I have to submit a proof na I am graduating this April before giving me the exam and secondary interview. Damn talaga.

Anyways, as I always say, CARRY LANG.

Faith-Healing

Excerpt from “The Purpose Driven Life” Day10:

Genuine surrender says, “Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstances is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life or in another’s, please don’t take it away.” This level of maturity does not come easy. In Jesus case, He agonized so much over God’s plan that He sweats drops of blood. Surrender is hard work. In our case, it is intense warfare against our self-centered nature.


I came across this page kanina lang umaga and while reflecting upon the message of the context I thought, ‘…oo nga no. Everytime I got sick I always pray na mawala na to. Hindi ko naisip na in a deeper sense there could be a reason why God has planned this for me.’ And then this evening natinik ako sa kinain kong fish. Damn. First time ulit sa history ni Tim Tam. I have to eat scoops of rice (which I do not eat btw), 2ripe mangoes, 2bananas (thanks Nanay Kuntsing!) pero nothing seemed to work. Shox I was freaking out kasi sumasakit na ang pagswallow ng saliva.

And then there was Apo (read as A-po). She is both a friend and a faith-healer. Pagkadating she asked me, ‘…anak san ba?’ (The tinik) And I told her na parang somewhere sa gitnang part ng esophagus or whatever. I was guessing. Then sabi niya, ‘..no, nandito..’ (her hand on the right part of her leeg, which locates my left leeg). Right. I remembered kanina yung banana pinapapunta ko sa left side ng leeg ko. And then the healing begins.

Minutes lang then wala na. I asked her why are there scratchy feelings? Parang may residue pa ng trauma. She told me, ‘…yung pinagtusukan lang yan anak sa tinanggal ni Apo.’ (Referring to Apo, which, in Kapampangan means an old person, in this case, the Virgin Mary).

Now I could still feel scratches, pero better than kanina. Kanina I could feel the tinik talaga e. Ngayon parang meron pa rin, pero I am taking away the doubt. I mean, I have faith in God and that Apo is actually called to serve by healing, pero I am a bit concerned. Want proof na she really could heal?

Way back highschool, nagka-appendicitis ako. Konting lakad lang, napapayuko ako sa sakit. Tindi nung experience kasi I couldn’t go anywhere without embarrassing myself (something that happens naturally not intentionally). Tapos ayun, mom took me to Apo. She asked me, ‘…ano gusto mo, karayom, kutsara, tong, o kamay?’ (She was referring to the instrument that she would be using to take the appendix out with). I picked kamay ata. Pero alam mo yun, she was actually kidding lang when she asked me those things kasi she’ll still use her hands eh. And then ayun. Nawala. Pano ko nalaman?

I am still alive.

Kaya I have faith na she really is blessed by Mary. Gifted amongst the rest to serve and live Her life here on earth.

Ngayon I am reflecting upon the excerpt from “The Purpose Driven Life”. Why Lord am I experiencing this? I think it’s because I lack faith. I forgot how important God is and that He is inflicting this pain para marealize ko na nawawala Siya sa landas ko.

I understand now God. Pero diba kinausap pa lang kita kahapon sa chapel sa MegaMall regarding Beda, my mom, my classmates, bestfriend, and my new career. I am leaving everything na in Your hands. Whatever it is that You have planned for us, I am sure its for our welfare naman.

Thank you.