I am so full of drama.

Million dollar question:

"Tim, aalis ka na ba talaga?"

Yes. And more yeses. I have been asked this question a gazillion times, and yes, the answer will be and forever will be, the same.

The bigger issue is when, not the question that I already have the answer to. My bosses were kind and helpful enough giving me a million and one advices, and yes I am taking it all seriously. Kaya nga nandito pa ko. I am still patching my watak watak na dreams, not until I am uber ready to take off will I leave this lovely job of mine.

Am I tired?

Everyday.

Everyday whining is so not healthy. My skin is already going against me. Thankfully my face is a no-pimple zone, and I thank Pond's for that. My emotional aspect is seriously dropping to zero, and my IQ, my god nahahawa na sa masasamang ispiritu.

?????

I really have to fast-pace everything. It would hurt a lot not seeing everybody and doing what I love to do. Pero I know na anywhere I go, my V family will always back me up. I love you guys. :)

My Dream Book, with Snooky.

Yup, this is one of 'em. I have my burn book, and I have my dream book. This is where all my dreams, plans in life, things I want to do and achieve, all of that drama, it's all here. Anyways, latest update, me doing what I do best. Papampam. Ewan ko I must be rally diseased, or as Ms. Monch said, abnoy talaga ko.

Piece per piece, all by self-study, I am trying to build a dream I had since I was young. Yes, I am rushing everything, pero I'm being careful din at the same time. I don't want to fail. Hell no, no room for that. No room din for distractions. Basta right now all I am focusing on is achieving things that will help me become the Great Timtastic.

How?

No idea.

Tira-tira! Emmo of the month. Happen what should, this is why I am really planning everything so ever carefully. I am in ways touched and moved by comments of certain people, like (hindi ako nagyayabang) how truly gifted with my hands, they're like Midas, turning everything into gold, that I have a very bright, end of the tunnel moment as per Boss Sunday which, coming from a person you hardly know, means a lot, how creative I am in doing what I do best, magpapampam, and a hell lot more, anyways, they are really motivating, it sucks you out of the darkness period and gives you a certain perspective in life. It drives you. Very much. And it means a lot how much people gives such nice comments on my works. How I wish I could be the best, and that I will strive hard to achieve.

God I hope everything turns out excellent. Better than great, better than what I expect. Better than what the poeple expects.

Fasizzle-dizzle

I am today wearing the cabbage rose. Ewan ko, it was raining so hard last night, Frank was really depressing I wasn't able to go out talaga, not to mention me having to cancel my haircut appointment because of the stoopid brownout and uber heavy rains. It's really stoopid.

Anyways back to the rose, I could not sleep well last night and all I could think of is that I have to go to work today with a humongous rose on my chest.

And I did.

Well, not as humongous as we'd expect it, pero big pa rin. The first one I did was big, Tarzan X big. Imagine pinning a rose on Godzilla's chest, ganun kalaki, pero siyempre I was confused. Be the self-proclaimed fashionista that I am...or give myself a little bit frenzy pero still reputable look sa office.

And so I ended up wearing the second rose I did, the tolerable one.

As per Daria, Kuya Roy noted that I am so gay when I dress up.

F**k up. :) Who cares.

I must be out of my mind.

I am.

I am planning on leaving a place I consider my home.

Crazy huh?

somebody kick me hard in the a**. Cause I suck.

Hoo-mama.

I am really doing it. Unbelievable.

I am not sure of what I am doing, I am not sure if this is the bestest plan ever, pero I know one way or the other I can make it work. I have never been more afraid in my entire life. Ho god I am more afraid than fear itself. And really right now I do feel like the former kid who gets to be bullied around by the big, tough-looking guys, and all I can do is cry. I cry a lot. Because I fear, because of loss, because I choose a different path, but most importantly, because I have a lot of guts to do things that are most of the time, crazy.

Blame my spontaneity.

Damn it. It sucks. I am such a stupid person.

Some more time to do what I've got to do. Ends do mean new beginnings.

This is saddening.

Damn it, of all the people I could view on my frenzy list it has to be you pa. Funny thing is that I've clicked on a Beyonce youtube and it started playing that stoopid, stoopid 'Still the one I want to....' (Stoopid Shania Twain for writing that song).

Reality is, I still wanna be with you B. I miss you a lot. More than life. More than what I've got right now. Stoopid, stoopid love. It sucks bigtime. I must admit you're looking prettier than the usual. Made me miss you even more. Stoopid goodlooking people makes me miss you more and more everyday. Ho sheesh this sucks.

I still don't understand whatever happened while we were sleeping. No idea at all how it could end this quick. Stoopid me for pushing people to their limit. Stoopid me for pushing you to be somebody you're not, stoopid me for believing na I could create a difference, even stoopider for me to believe you are the one.

Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid.

B, if you could only read this, all I want is you. Having you is like being in Nirvana, I need not to look any further for anything else. I could have been a better person. We could have compromised. We could have reached for our dreams.

But now, for the four years or so that has passed, you still have the power to instantly make me cry. Cry a lot. And a whole lot. And it sucks. I'm such a stoopid person. I could never love anybody else but you. Please come back...

I know I can.

I can do it. :) I'll show the world what I've got.

I know I can do it. :)

Power of positive thinking.

Tantrum of the week.

Mantra everyday.

I know I can do this.

Goodbye to some, hello to my dream! :)

I can do it.

I'm moving on.

Things are about to change in a few months. I do not know how long it will take pero as of last week I am already starting to patch up my dreams, piece per piece. I have no absolute idea on what I am doing pero I do believe I can do it.

God have mercy on me.

I am risking my life for this one. Thanks guys for all the support. :) You guys give me strength and confidence like no one has ever before.

Love you all.