The Purpose Driven Life

I was becoming more and more afraid of losing another person whom I really like.

Okay, so I 100% like this person and somewhere near 60% loving bestfriend.

Pagkagising ko I was afraid this might be forever...So I've turned to God. I told Him na I am confused with life and where I am going. And so thankfully my sis has a copy of the book, kahit maarte ako kasi I like hardbounds eh yung kanya soft, binasa ko na rin. I am at Day1. Mayang gabi ko pa gagawin yung Day2 kasi last day na ng exam today.

First day was rough. I was flashed by the reality of being someone on this earth according sa kagustuhan ni Lord. This again proved Beda right kasi according to the book, if you keep on thinking of your purpose this lifetime without consulting God, then you must be somewhere near being self-centered. Dito na daw pumapasok yung reasoning na, '...I thought ito na yung dapat purpose ko,.........ito yung magandang purpose na mapagseservan ko best...'

It stated a situation whereas if you are given a product without a manual, you will never fully understand its use. Only the designer himself could tell you what it can do. Same instance with God. We are the created, He is the Creator, so only Him can know what we are here for.

I was thinking, maybe love life is so not on my curriculum. Damn.

So I've prayed, asking Him what is my purpose. That I want to feel fulfilled. Kasi kahit anong sipag at pagod ang ibuhos ko sa isang bagay, I never felt contented. Why?

He proved na naman last night na He does everything for a reason.

Mikko.

He told me things no man has never ever told me before. He told me my weaknesses which lead me to come up with solutions as to how to improve myself for the better.

I do admit. I am self-centered. The part which I do not understand lang is why is it that all the time I do things naturally, it all comes from the heart, pero di ko napapansin na nagiging O.A. na ko. Everytime na lang I commit the same mistake. Pagiging over and under everything else.

Why?

Akala ko I am doing such a great job living life, di ko alam na nakakasakit na pala ko.

Demanding ba ko? Hmm...I prefer the term concern sa tao especially pag mahal ko. Unfortunately, over na naman ako.

Yes, some parts of our discussion was somewhat harsh, pero I do like it that way, and some part of it I don't get. Like being over with everything. All I know is, I only follow what my heart tells me to do.

Thank you Mikko for enlightening me.

I will be eternally grateful.

P.S. I have decided to keep my reflections from Day1 to 40 on my own. I was actually planning on posting it dito kasi I consider this a journal na rin. Well, a blog is an online journal naman diba?

So there.

For those who are also lost in life like me, I hope that you would take the time to find God. Kasi He will really listen and respond.