Window Shopping for Idiots

It hit me last night na if you have a gift why not share it to the world? So here we go with my on-line lecture slash training on how to become a BIG TIME WINDOW SHOPPER.

This is going to be a working progress, lecture won't be given on one blogging, so expect a lot of tips and tricks from a professional window shopper.

Let's begin.

Two things na I think are so important, that it would greatly affect your window shopping day.

One: According to statistics, 85% of those who are out to shop would usually be caught wearing simple clothes, tipong '...huh? May pera ka pala...sorry na...' The LESSON: Wear something na magmumukha kang jologs, pang-squatters pa if you must. The greatest trick of all (The thing that would separate you from the elite, and the elite looking..)......face value. It's either you have it, or you don't. Wag ng pilitin.

Two: Try to be suave and nice to sales assistants. They have the best instincts due to experience if you have the mucho dineros or a muchos gracias. Show them love, interest, and a hell lot of bola.

Window Shopping Rule 101:
Try to stay in a store for the longest time possible. Or as long as you can for some cases depending on what type of store you're in. Try testing or fitting their merchandise/s for Pete's sake. Ask for the price, or if in the case nasa tiangge, make tawad. Don't forget din to flirt. That's a must. Smile, pa-kilig, pa-charm.

TIP: Check the merchandise/s available, on the racks, on the counters, everywhere. If, in the case sa damit, all the items are only on white, black and pink, ask the sales assistant if they have one in green. Pag mejo ungas yung sales assistant mo, she'd go ask her crewmates. Pero believe me, there's a 98% chance na they don't have it in green. For heaven's sake I'm a designer, and currently a visual merchandiser, I should know better.

If all the patterns are geometric, ask if they have one in a zebra-skin pattern. In this case, I am uplifting the 98% chance to gazillion percent.

Pagbalik ng sales assistant, expect na they'd say no, mejo malimipit ka. Nope, not only your body, dapat pati mukha. Mukha-sim. This is a way of expressing your dismay at feeling pagkasayang.

The pilipit body and mukha-sim face has not yet failed me so far.

Try it.

More basic than basic Rule in Window Shopping
(a.k.a. The Cellphone Trick)
It's super simple actually and super pam-bobo. So there I've said it. I do not use this trick na kasi it's super pang-Barok. I've used this trick when I was in a furniture store checking what's hot and new in the industry. So siempre expect na mahal talaga dun. After asking for the price of a furnishing, text or act as if you're canvassing lang. So there. Simpleng-simple.

WINDOW SHOPPING 107-B
(a.k.a. The Credit Card Trick)

WARNING!!! This is only done by professionals! Do not, and I repeat, do not attempt to try this not unless you have undergone at least 4-years of experience in window shopping.

Use this in the case na you're on a high-end store. Extreme suavity and cautiousness has to be observed because the trick could either kick the store's ass, or you;d be left alone cold on a gutter outside their stalls.

TIP: Grab an item. Choose one that is closest to the most expensive. Not unless you're wearing your 'Makati outfit' should you attempt the luxurious one. Act like a big spender. Then, thiz iz it: Ask if in the case you'd be paying it via credit card, would the price go up or stay the same. Kasi usually if you're using you're gonna use your card, they'd charge 5%interest on the item/s purchased. Either they say yes or no, return the item on its place and whimper:

'Kaso wait, baka patayin ako ng dad ko pag ginamit ko extension ko....Ho no...'

'Yikes, text ko muna si Daddy kung payagan niya ko...I really like this pa naman...Shocks talaga...'

In this instance, use only the mukha-sim face.Drop the body speaking kasi you're trying to act like a big-spender remember?

And then tell the sales person na you'd go back pag napayagan ka ni Daddy to use your card.

BEWARE! This instance has happened to me on Marks&Spencer, SM North Branch.

Sales Asst.: Sir ano po bang klase ng credit card niyo para malaman natin kung accepted dito or not.
Tim Tam: *on my mind...* 'Ho no....SOS! SOS! Think fast! Don't sweat!'

So, eto sinagot ko:

Tim Tam: Ay hindi sige I'd go ask muna my mom if she'd allow me to use her card. Hirap na baka patayin ako nun...Thanks anyways!

ITAGA SA KUKOTE! Flirting could help you a lot in sweaty moments. Yung moments na you are super close to dying. Believe me. Give the assistant a slight pat on her elbow or back, then that's it. Huli mo na siya. Plus a smile!