Bakit ako nag-iisa?

WARNING: Content is disgustingly dramatic!

That was the second to the last message I got from B.

B told me to reflect and ponder upon the subject matter. So what happened ba really?

This February 12 is officially the worst birthday I've ever had.

Ok, so I want to spend the day with people. Friends and mates. Hop, shop, and chat, so I've texted all the GLOBERS on my phone group and waited ever so impatiently for a reply.

Result: Zero replies to a gazillion members.

So I've wondered, 'am I this awful?...'

'...isn't anybody happy na I was born on the twelfth of February?...'

It was depressing really. I was texting people na since the eve of my day pero still, same results. I never felt so lonely.

On my day I think the macaroni was trying to tell me something. Dad overcooked the pasta and it got super saggy, and super sticky for that matter. So at the end of the day I've wondered, 'the signs are all out pero I still dared not to listen.'

Why am I so hard-headed? I am open to the concept of change pero why can't I change that part of me? What is up with me?

Damn.

So there I was at Shangri-la Mall, then MegaMall, celebrating myself, Hooray, Hooray! Finally an unknown acquaintance texted me prompting me to meet up. So there I was at Odyssey, waiting for almost 3 hours, tapos no show. Damn, I know I'm not good-looking pero holler!

FYI: I've shaved well like I've never shaved before, PLUS! I've pressed my hair with a pirming iron!

For what?

A stood-up?

God whoever you are you just ate my entire celebration! I hope you burn in hell! Guess pa what the reason is. Eto na yung pinka-kadiring part eh.

My Stood-up Acquaintance had sex with somebody na nakasabay niya nung papunta na siya ng Odyssey.

How disgusting was that?

I'LL DITCH MY FRIEND FOR SEX!!!
HURRY WHILE SEMEN LASTS!

Damn you. Thanks for ruining my birthday.

So I've travelled back to Sm North hoping my pals would be there. Pero holler, eleven thirty or something, what do you expect? The counter was closed na nga pero I've used my charms and kakulitan na lang para makabili ng iced coffee. I was really mad at that time. More flooding, less drinking. I kept on texting and texting Stood-up's cel, I think the last count was around 200 messages. Damn I'm mad. Pero thank you Globe Unlimited!

When I've calmed down a bit I've texted B, asking if I am such a bad person.

It was masakit pero at least now I know. Well, actually I knew what my problem is pero the thing is I thought I was changing na, yun pala I am not so certain pala with the definition of 'self-centered.'

Yes, from B's mouth. I am self-centered and immature.

B told me to stop being so negative and rather start to think deeply, from within, why am i alone on my birthday?

Oh my gosh, I never ever felt like crying on public, pero yes, i've shed a tear. Two actually. So make that tears.

Am I that awful? I was looking around the people who are hanging-out din dun sa spot na yun. And so the difference between them and me? I own the table. All by myself. I could place all the stuffs on my bag to the counter without anyone getting bugged by my kadamutan.

Is this another premonition? Na I will be alone in the future? No one to share my life with?

Damn I hope not.

I'll try my best to change and fill that specific table on Coffee Ex with friends. Real one.

Siguro I was traumatized lang. Sick and tired as well of being the goody-goody of the batch, EVERSINCE.

It's hard being picked on, and criticized for being innocent and nice. Before I do not know how to say NO to anybody. Not until third year college.

The plates and the projects got me pre-occupied and unconsciously ate all of my social powers thus resulting to me, technically becoming a LONER.

So bakit ako nag-iisa? Am i narcissistic?

I beg to disagree. I am partly vain because I want people to feel na I am spending this much time trying to look good for them.

So be thankful I guess.

I am not doing this to attract, I am doing this to make you feel special.

Kasi honestly, I love you all.

I could not really define why I am alone. Pero once I've deciphered the secret of my Da Vinci, I'm sure you'll be viewing the entire story on this blog.

Happy birthday to me.