So bad to be true.

It was awful. So far the second worst dream I've ever had in my entire life. (P.S. First was the time when I dreamt na I was dead and nobody could hear me. I was crying the entire morning pagkagising. It's hard really. I was screaming on the top of my lungs pero no one could hear me. So I turned to a teacher I had nung HS who could commune with the dead. So there.)

I dreamt na I was having a trip to Pampanga with my family. I think it was the celebration of my late lola and lolo's wedding anniversary. Kasi they were both there and kissing and so happy eh. Probably the second or so time na I wasn't scared after seeing her in my sleep. Later on I saw B pababa sa stairs, so happy, so fresh, as usual. Parang parating bagong ligo. And so I texted B saying na I am there din at the same place, and if B wants we could go back to Q.C. ng sabay since my place is not so far from B's naman.

I think may ka-EB siya dun eh. I could remember B was with some of his friends and classmates.

Tapos I found myself on a highway. (Which I suppose is normal naman in a dream kasi usually you would remeber excepts lang from the whole story.) I was texting B for hours and hours pero no reply. So I got scared na kasi the commoners were flooding na sa isang spot sa highway. They told me na a certain somebody got hit by a car, pipi and katawan.

Damn I was freaked out. So I searched and searched everywhere. I asked some people pa nga to help me look for my friend. I was screaming B's name na. Nowhere. Next thing I know, I was in a car with some of my relatives on the way to a funeraria. I was crying na from that point on. I was so scared to accept the fact that B left me, for good. Well, ngayon hindi na kami magiging kami, pero death...whew! Might as well kill me na din. Unbearable to the highest level.

I went inside the funeraria. Green interior. Velvety feel. The front entrance for B's spot is sobrang liit. Sobrang liit na tipong if I enter directly I wouldn't fit not unless I'd turn sideways. So I went in the other door. Which was far more comfy to enter to. And viola, there was B. There are clippings of articles from a newspaper indicating what happened. I didn't bother reading kasi I was all too disappointed and heart-broken to see the love of my life lying in a kabaong. It was totally freaky.

Through the glass panel, I still find B so nice. Mukha pa ring bagong ligo, which B shouldn't be worrying at that moment kasi you're practically dead. It was gruelsome. Hindi siya pipi kasi B's body is still intact.

Pero from the part where I found out that B was dead, to the part where I last remember, I was so sober. And sad. And desperate to die as well. So pathetic. Unfortunate. Disastrous. Everything. It was the worst day of my life.

When I woke up I texted B in pronto. Pero until now di pa nagrereply. I know you are safe, pero I want you to watch out. Maybe you think I am not taking this seriously, pero I am. I frantically realized how much I love you and that I couldn't bear to live without you. Yun siguro ang message ni Lord.

'Why give up on love?'

Dear Lord if this is your way of doing things then You better do it right next time.

Do not be so harsh.

I am sure You have the ful knowledge on how much I love that person.

The dream, an ultimately bad joke.

And B, I've realized na eventhough I can't have you na, I'll always be around to care. I will not make kulit or papansin, pero promise me lang na you won't die anytime soon? Kasi imagining you gone forever is like me living a lie, pretending na life's all good pa rin and it will get better and better everyday.

Kasi life without you is like life without air. So hard to breathe.

I love you.

Pero I suppose you wouldn't ever find out na I do. Pa rin.

Pero I do.

And I respect you telling me to stop na.

I lied when I told you na napapagod na ko kakaantay.

I never will.

Pero please don't die yet. I want to see you grow pa.

I love you.